


A Star To Guide Them

by angelus2hot



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Community: ksadvent, Fluff, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-01
Updated: 2013-12-01
Packaged: 2018-01-03 04:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1065709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelus2hot/pseuds/angelus2hot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes wishing on a star does bring you what you want.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Star To Guide Them

**Author's Note:**

> **Title:** A Star To Guide Them  
>  **Fandom:** Star Trek  
>  **Characters/Pairing:** Kirk/Spock  
>  **Rating:** PG-13  
>  **Word Count:** 2, 586  
>  **Summary:** Sometimes wishing on a star does bring you what you want.  
>  **A/N:** written for the 2013 [KSAdvent](http://ksadvent.livejournal.com/)

Jim stood on the observation deck so lost in thought that he barely noticed the stars shining like beacons as the ship went by. Another year had almost come to an end. It was Christmas and like all the other Christmas’ before the one person he wanted most was still denied to him. He knew that wasn’t quite right or even fair since the person in question didn’t even know how he felt. Although, how he could possibly not know was beyond him. Jim had let enough hints fly over the years that he was sure the person he wanted was the only member of his crew who didn’t have a clue. And that bothered him. Not that his crew knew but that the other one didn’t.

A loud sigh escaped him heralding his loneliness as it echoed around the room. There had to be a way to get through to him. Something he had missed doing all the other times before. Jim closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger. _But what? What could it be? What did he need to do to gain that man’s attention? His love?_

Only silence greeted the unspoken questions in his mind. He opened his eyes and stared out the window into space. A million and more stars blinked at him as if beckoning him for something he couldn’t name. Finally, it dawned on him. There was something he could do. It was something he hadn’t tried since he was a child. He only hoped it would work.

But it was foolish.  
 _What could it hurt?_

It was a child’s rhyme nothing more.  
 _He had tried everything else._

He was the Captain.  
 _He was alone._

Jim walked closer to the window as he looked for the largest star he could find. It took him a few minutes but he finally found the star he wanted. It was there at the end of the Enterprise. If he was going to do this he had to hurry. It wouldn’t be long before it was completely out of sight. He looked around to make sure the observation deck was still empty except for himself. Jim closed his eyes again as he began to speak. His voice was husky, full of longing and loneliness as he recited the words of the rhyme.

Star light, star bright,  
The first star I see tonight,  
I wish I may, I wish I might,  
Have this wish I wish tonight.  


After he had finished speaking Jim didn’t want to open his eyes; at least not right away. He knew it was a foolish thing to do. To believe in a rhyme used to comfort children into thinking their wishes would come true if they wished for it hard enough, wanted it long enough and were extremely patient.

Slowly, Jim opened his eyes and looked around the room. Even though he had known there wasn’t a snowball’s chance that his wish would come true he couldn’t help the disappointment that flooded his being. Jim knew he had wanted him long enough; been patient long enough but apparently the Universe saw things a bit differently than he did.

He couldn’t stop another sigh as he watched the brightest star fade completely out of sight. _Well, there goes that._ There was no use standing around waiting and hoping for the impossible to happen especially since it was clear wishing on a star wouldn’t help either. Maybe he should simply face the fact that what he wanted was just not meant to be. But that was something he couldn’t do. At least not yet.

Jim stood straighter and turned to leave. He was shocked to see Spock standing in the middle of the archway staring at him. “What are you doing here?”

For a brief moment Spock didn’t answer but continued to look at Jim as if seeing him for the first time. He quickly shook his head to clear it from the emotions running rampant beneath the surface. The sight of Jim leaning towards the window had been almost more than he could take and now those gorgeous green eyes of his focused solely on him... it was all he could do not to... He had to gain control and quickly! “I was just going to...”

Jim held up his hand. He had thought that maybe Spock had over heard what he had said but apparently he was wrong. It was a new concept for him; one he didn’t much care for. “I’m sorry, Spock. You don’t need to explain and you certainly don’t need my permission to be here. I thought you might have heard m...” Jim quickly stopped and cleared his throat. “I didn’t meant to...” He let his sentence trail off relieved that Spock hadn’t heard him foolishly give in to such childish behavior. 

For a few minutes both men stared at each other before they turned to the exit. “I think I will...” Nervous laughter filled the room as they both began to speak. Jim motioned with one hand for Spock to go first out the door.

Both of them missed the bright light that flashed through the observation room as they walked out. 

 

 

A few hours later and Spock found himself in the infirmary looking for answers. Something was wrong with the Captain and it was his duty as the first officer and his friend to find out what that was. He ignored the feeling deep inside that said he wanted to be much more.

The moment he walked into the room, Spock began to speak. “Dr. McCoy, although it pains me to admit it. I find myself in need of your help.”

Bones was so shocked he was struck momentarily speechless. There were all kinds of things he wanted to say to Spock but for the first time he found that he couldn’t. The look in Spock’s eyes stopped him. “What’s wrong, Spock.”

“First I must have your word that nothing I say goes beyond this room.”

He quickly nodded his head as he looked at Spock. “Of course, Spock. I’m a doctor whatever you tell me will be kept in the strictest of confidences.”

As soon as the doctor had finished speaking Spock began to pace the room. The longer he paced the more worried Bones became until finally he snapped.

“Damn it, Spock! Just say it already.”

Spock turned to face the doctor and raised his eyebrow at the Doctor’s tone. “I am... concerned for the Captain.”

“What?” Bones sat up straighter as worry flooded his body. “What’s wrong with Jim?”

“I do not know. He hasn’t said anything to me. Every time I see him he gives me this look and I would swear if I didn’t know better...he sighs.” Spock waited for the doctor to speak but when it was clear he had nothing to say Spock continued, “But the thing that concerns me the most is that he was on the observation deck and he...”

“Well, Spock. There’s nothing really to worry about there. Everyone needs to relax a little. Even the Captain.”

Spock had to stop himself from giving in to the human reaction of rolling his eyes. “I am aware of that. But I swear to you I heard him speaking.”

Bones’ eyes widened. “As in he was talking to himself?” Even he was aware that wasn’t like the Captain at all. 

“Yes.”

“Well, don’t just stand there. What was he saying?” 

Spock couldn’t help but notice the more worried the doctor became the more pronounced his southern accent was. He closed his eyes to recall the exact words. “Star light, star bright, The first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight.”

“Are you sure that is what he said, Spock?”

He inclined his head. “Exactly.”

“Ah. I see.” A smile began to spread across Bones’ face before he quickly ducked his head to hide it.

“What?” Spock couldn’t help the thought that the doctor should be very glad he wasn’t a human male because the urge to smack him was a harsh one. “What is wrong with the Captain?”

“Well.” The word slid slowly out of Bones’ mouth as he stood up and rocked back on his heels. “I wouldn’t worry too much about that if I were you, Spock.”

“Why not?”

“The Captain was just making a wish.” 

“Why would he...?” Spock paused. There was another more important question he needed answered. “What do you think he was wishing for?”

Bones couldn’t stop the gleeful grin from appearing. He had waited ages for this. From the first moment Spock had stepped in front of Jim to keep him from being hurt he had known. The second Jim had risked his captaincy and his career for Spock he had known. What he hadn’t been aware of was exactly how long it would take for those two stubborn men to realize what he had known for a long time. 

“What do you think he wished for, you stubborn Vulcan?” His grin widened. He really should keep the suspense going. Maybe he could even keep it to himself for a while longer. But one glance at the hopeful look on Spock’s face, the one he quickly tried to hide behind his emotionless facade and Bones knew he couldn’t do it. “You. I would bet everything I own that Jim wished for you.”

Spock was speechless. For a long time he had kept his feelings carefully hidden, guarded them in case anyone especially Jim would see them. And now to know that Jim felt... “How long?”

Bones knew exactly what Spock was asking although he wasn’t sure if he was the one who should be telling this to Spock but he really didn’t think the Vulcan was going to give him a choice. “Since the first Christmas on this ship.” The doctor watched silently as the information slowly sank in.

He closed his eyes against the shock. Three years. Three incredibly long years of fighting against his feelings. Feelings that he had naturally assumed would not, could not be returned. And in all that time Jim had felt the same. A tortured sound escaped him echoing around the room sending shivers down Bones’ spine.

“Spock?”

He opened his eyes and stared into the doctor’s concerned face. “How could I have not known when it seems you have known all along?”

The doctor shrugged his shoulders. He wasn’t about to admit he wasn’t the only person who had known. The whole crew had realized years ago what those two men meant to each other. But no one had felt it was his or her place to butt in.

“What should I do?” The Vulcan muttered to himself. “Do I go to him or wait for him to come to me?”

This was the first time he could recall seeing Spock act this way... so indecisive. “I don’t know what a green-blooded Vulcan would do. But if it were me and I just found out the person who I had secretly been in love with for years felt the same way I did... Well, I’d go after that person.” Once again Bones shrugged his shoulders. “But what do I know after all I’m only human.”

Spock turned to leave. “But you are very astute for a human.” He glanced back at the doctor as he walked towards the door. “I would never have guessed it.”

McCoy sputtered in anger. “Why you green-blooded, inhuman... See if I ever help you again!” 

But it was too late. Spock didn’t hear him. He was already on his way to find Jim.

 

Jim tried to get into the Christmas spirit as he watched his crew laugh and sing carols in the crew’s lounge. But this year no matter how hard he tried he just couldn’t make himself pretend to be happy any longer. Maybe after the holidays were over he would be back to his old self and able to put his feelings for Spock behind him, at least while he wasn’t alone. But it was impossible at this moment. His first officer was all he could think about. There was no sense in him sticking around and moping. That was the last thing the party needed. Without a word he turned and left the room.

He’d had every intention of going to his quarters but for some unknown reason he turned towards the observation deck instead. Within minutes he was standing at the window staring at the stars once again.

The silence of the room was almost deafening as Jim lost himself in his thoughts. 

“Captain.”

The captain slowly turned around to see Spock staring at him with a strange look on his face. He couldn’t help but think something was wrong. No alarm was ringing so it couldn’t be the Enterprise. “What is it, Spock?”

Spock walked closer. “Relax... Jim. Everything is fine. Now.”

Jim’s eyes widened as Spock stopped inches before him, their chests almost touching beneath the fabric of their shirts. “Spock?”

Spock smiled at the man standing before him, he could almost feel Jim’s body as it began to tremble at his closeness. “I know.”

He shook his head in confusion. “What, Spock?” This was getting beyond weird. He had never known his first officer to act like this. “What do you know?”

For a moment he thought that Spock wasn’t going to answer him but he glanced out the window at the stars surrounding them before the words began to tumble from his lips. “Star light, star bright, The first star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, Have this wish I wish tonight.”

Jim could only stand there with his mouth open. He had been so sure that Spock hadn’t heard him but apparently he was wrong... again. “Spock, I....”

“Is it true?” Spock took a step closer bridging the distance between them. “Did you wish for me?”

“Yes.” The thought of keeping his feelings to himself any longer didn’t even occur to him. He was tired of wanting Spock and not having him. So tired of being alone when what he wanted was so close he could reach out and touch him. 

Jim brought his hand up to touch Spock’s face but the Vulcan intercepted him. His long fingers caressed Jim’s. Each digit was new and precious to him. “I have wanted this moment for so long.” The words were out of Spock’s mouth before he could recall them.

“Why then...?” Jim didn’t finish the question he knew Spock understood what he was asking.

“Because I am Vulcan. I will always remain so. But I find that I can not and will not live my life without you by my side.” Spock caressed Jim’s fingers before threading his fingers through Jim’s. “If you can accept what I am...”

“Are you kidding?” Jim brought his other hand up to caress the side of Spock’s face. “I will take you however I can get you.”

Without another word Spock let go of Jim’s hand, pulled him closer, crushing their chests together until his lips descended on Jim’s in what could only be a kiss of raw passion, of need and most of all, a kiss of love.

Neither one of them noticed the bright star that blinked into existence just outside the observation window closest to them. A wish had been granted after all.


End file.
